So an introduction.

     All my life I have wondered what everyone sees in all the perfumes and aftershaves and other smelly stuff that invades our environment.  One of the biggest impacts on me was as a child going to choir practice and having to sit next to some 'adult' that just smelled of 'ode de toilet'. OK, you have to remember I was about 10 at the time and couldn't fathom why anyone would want to sit next to her or even be in the same room.  I would always want to leave or try and sit on the other side of the room, but no one else seemed to mind, so, as would become my mantra, it must just be me.
     Now over the years, smells have always bothered me but not to the extent that I had to leave an event or miss out on a life outside my own little bubble. In fact my husband loved, I repeat LOVED, to wash in one soap, where a scented deodorant, with a different aftershave and on top of all that different smelling hairspray.  For almost 40 years I put up with it and occasionally would say, "Hey, you stink and don't you know your stink really bothers me."  OK so maybe I said it nicer than that, but it was what I was thinking.
     Then when I turned 57 my life changed, drastically and not for the better.  Who would have thought that having a tooth pulled, followed by an infection, followed by oral surgery to finish removing the root would lead to a reaction so severe that I run when anyone or thing that smells is coming at me. Not just because of the smell, here is what happens:
                     1. Nose, eyes, throat, lungs start burning. Sometimes I don't even notice the smell first, but my body does.
                     2. Headache
                     3. My little mast cells in my body, the ones that produce mucous start going into hyperdrive. Can we say "Snot" people. From my nose to the bases of my lungs.
                     4. Cough, wheeze, cough, wheeze
And the one that really makes me run
                     5. Dizziness, lightheadedness and blacking out. You can probably understand why I don't like to stay around smelly stuff. I sure wouldn't be responsible if I let it get to that and then, I don't know, drove home.

     Now this past week was Holy week with yesterday being Easter. I love all aspects of Easter, except one thing.  Lilies. Easter Lilies smell. There is no getting around it. They just do.  So on Wednesday, that is last Wednesday, I go to band rehearsal. We are to play at our churches sunrise Easter service.  Now just a side note. I co-founded this band. Two of us started out playing guitars and singing and slowly added a percussionist, a keyboardist and another vocalist. We've been together for 1 1/2 years. So back to Wed., you have to remember, when you can't breathe you can't think. OK Wed., I entered the sanctuary, my buddy goes, "Hey, I was just going to text you. You might not want to come. These lilies really smell" and "If I can smell them...I can't smell anything", to late. I spent 2 minutes in that sanctuary and it took me over 14 hours to recover. Two minutes. Oh well, at least I knew the music.
     So Easter comes around and I stay outside and other than sticking my head in the door and yelling "I'm out here" I have to endure the band rehearse and they had to be rehearsing for awhile cause one of the girls is always late. Can we say always?  So in my head I'm thinking, "crap, here we go again", "oops, don't think that way" and "Lord why on top of all the other trials you have given me do I have to go thru this one too?"  I mean I am a social animal and being alone is well...very lonely.
     Eventually they make their way outside, the congregation shows up and we have our service.  It was an absolutely beautiful morning. So how come we can't stay outside for all our services?  Then I think, "Jean, at least you got to attend a beautiful Easter service, don't be negative."  But then...WHAM...I watch everyone walk back inside the sanctuary for a breakfast.  Umm, "have a nice breakfast?" "Bye?"
     Then, I fall apart. In fact I am still falling apart. It isn't my choice to isolate myself. It isn't my choice to feel so utterly alone and devastated. But that is how I am feeling and that is how it is. Will this be the way of my life, for the rest of my life?  I sure hope and pray it isn't, but if this is the lot I am given then it will be the life I lead. Let me add something else here. During the last oh I don't know 15 years say, I went thru a long struggle trying to find out about my "Unknown auto-immune disorder" and getting put on so many medications that I couldn't and didn't function, at all, in fact there is at least 3 years of my life I don't remember and the physical pain that never left and of course more on that journey later. We have enough to talk about now.
      The point I was going to make is that I was taking control of my life back, got off of all the meds, lost over 200 pounds and was feeling better than I had felt in almost two decades. So, what do I do?  I decide to go one step further and applied to become a missionary with my church.  How dare I?  Oh Lord, I am not blaming you with the body your gave me, I just wanted to do some good. Anyway, I was hopeful, looking at my options....when, oops, all the above happened.  That was just less than six months ago.  Still can't believe pulling a tooth and subsequent infection could so drastically change my life and the lives of those around me. Friends and family, all.
     I know there are others like me. I know it.  What have you done to change peoples perspective or have you? What have you done to change your environment? How do you go to the grocery store where the dreaded lilies, laundry soap, lotions and aftershaves are?  Frankly, how do you deal with pissing off all your friends and family by asking repeatedly for them to change years and years of habits for you? And how do you go to peoples homes to visit or have people come to your house? Above all, how do you keep your faith firmly in place?